English Teacher On The Loose

Monday, 9 December 2013

CRACKERS ABOUT CHRISTMAS!

Let me get off to a cracking start by wishing you all a merry Christmas and a happy New Year 2014! So with a bit of history on the Christmas cracker - a super Brit tradition and some Christmas carols with a difference I hope you thoroughly enjoy the festivities! Don't stay up until the crack of dawn waiting for Father Christmas or crack out the champagne on New Year - most of you aren't old enough!

Christmas Crackers!
(Vocabulary in bold explained below.)

When the Christmas table is laid in Britain there is always a cracker at every place setting. The crackers are pulled with a loud CRACK!! and out pops a small toy or trinket, a paper hat in the shape of a crown and a slip of paper with joke, motto, riddle or trivial fact written on it. Crackers were invented by Tom Smith a London confectioner who was looking for a new way to promote his boiled sweets. Little did he realise his invention would become a tradition!

laid (pp verb lay) = to ready the table for a meal
place setting = knives,forks, spoons and plates as set around the table for each person
crackers = card tubes filled with a toy a joke and a Paper hat
trinket = toy, ornament, jewellery
slip = small piece
motto = slogan
riddle = verbal puzzle
trivial = not important
confectioner = somebody who makes sweets
promote = advertise

Do you like cracking jokes? Here are some I got in crackers last year - will they have you cracking up?

Q: What do elves learn at school?
A: The elf-abet!

Q: What do you call a snowman in summer?
A: A puddle!

Q: Who is a snowman's favourite relative?
A: Aunt Arctica!

Q: What sits under your Christmas tree and sings all day?
A: Elvis Pressie!

Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?
A: A snow ball!

Q: Who brings presents to animals at Christmas?
A: Santa Paws!

Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A: Can you smell carrots?

Malapropism/Mondegreen Carols
I was never known for my great singing voice (this is still true!). Cracking under the pressure our music teacher warned us to sing up or else... so I put all my heart into it, his comment was "Nice to hear the boys at last!" On the merit of my weird deep voice, I got into the school choir and one of the things I remember most vividly was the Christmas Carol Concert in the local church. Huddled in our uniforms under between the sparkling tree and the altar, the dare was who would sing the wrong words to the carols. Here are some of my favourites and some I found on the Web.

We Three Kings of Oil and Tar
We three kings of oil and tar,
one in a taxi, one in a car,
one on a scooter blowing his hooter
smoking a fat cigar.

While Shepherds Wash Their Socks by Night
While shepherds wash their socks by night
all watching ITV,
the angel of the Lord came down
and switched to BBC.

Jingle Bells
Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin flew away.
The bat mobile lost a Wheel
and Joker got away.

The Twelve Days of Fast Food (Last verse only for brevity!)
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Twelve bags of Pepto,
Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of coleslaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with Cheese

White Christmas(Inspiration for a young J.K.Rowling?)
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
just like the wands I used to know
Where tree tops glisten
and Children listen
to hear slave elves in the snow.

Police car ahead,
(or) Police got my dad,
(or) Feliz mommy died,
Prospero aρo y Felicidad.

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
From the bottom of my heart.

Fleas naughty dog,
There's fleas on your dad,
Fleas naughty dog,
Protect us and the fleas from my dad
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/humor/mondegreens.asp#E2Q6CDQ1L2JUtO5X.99

Why don't you have a crack at writing your own?

Phrasal verbs and idioms with crack.
be crackers about something = to be crazy about it
get off to a cracking start = begin very well
the crack of dawn = early in the morning
crack out the champagne (also break out the bubbly) = celebrate/open a bottle of champagne
crack a joke = tell a joke
crack up = laugh until you cry/go crazy
crack under the pressure = have health problems due to stress
have a crack at = try to do something

Enjoy the holiday! Stay safe and see you in the New Year! Happy 2014!

Miss!

Monday, 4 November 2013

REMEMBER REMEMBER...

Remember, remember the 5th of November,

Gun powder, treason and plot,

I see no reason, why gunpowder treason,

should ever be forgot!

Bonfire Night or Guy Fawkes Night is one of those quirky English celebrations that everyone enjoys but which comes from a grizzly event in times past.

The year is 1605 and the Protestant King James I ruled England. Guy Fawkes along with twelve other Catholics plotted to assassinate King James I and return a Catholic queen to the throne of England. Guy Fawkes was in charge of the gunpowder that had been placed under the Houses of Parliament. However, an anonymous letter was sent to the government warning them of the plot and when a search was carried out Guy Fawkes was discovered. He was tortured until he gave up the names of his conspirators. On 31st January 1606, he was due to be hanged but committed suicide instead, to deprive the government of the satisfaction of the public spectacle his hanging would become.

King James declared that the public should celebrate his lucky escape by lighting bonfires every November 5th. This has been done sine that day. Usually a Guy, a life size doll made out of newspapers, straw and old clothes is burned on the bonfire. Children take the guy around the streets begging "Penny for the guy." and the money is used to buy fireworks to accompany the celebration. Most towns and villages now have a large professionally organised firework display with an enormous bonfire in the hope that the number of injuries to children can be reduced.

Guy Fawkes

Vocabulary 

treason rebellion/betrayal

plot plan

quirky funny/strange

grizzly gruesome/ revolting

assassinate murder

tortured hurt in order to get information

conspirators people who plan (bad) things together

commit suicide kill oneself

spectacle something (nice or nasty) to be seen

straw dry grass that is used to feed animals

Although this is a purely English celebration you are probably quite familiar with Guy Fawkes if you liked the film V for Vendetta. Here the hero takes the face of Guy Fawkes in the form of a mask as he stands as a hero for the oppressed.

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

HAPPY HALLOWE'EN

I always loved autumn as it heralds two of my favourite festivals. The first is Hallowe'en and the second is Bonfire Night. This month I'll be looking at Hallowe'en and little bit of the history of the celebration and a little bit of the usual fun!

Name and History

Many people worry as they think of Hallowe'en being a pagan festival but this is not (wholly) true. It is a Christian one although now it is mostly an excuse for commercial excess!

Hallow e'en is short for All Hallows even(ing) - hence the apostrophe in the spelling. It is the Eve of All Saint's, October 31st in most western countries. It is the beginning of Hallowmas in the church (liturgical) calendar, the time when saints, martyrs and faithful departed believers are remembered.

The festival used to be celebrated on May13th but was moved to October 31st at the request of Pope Gregory IV in 853AD, as this also happens to be the same day as an ancient pagan festival some of the traditions have gotten rather confused.

Costumes and Trick or Treating

Why do we dress up or Tick or Treat? When we remember a soul in the church we eat food to 'feed' their souls and pray that their sins are forgiven. In the past the poor would go from house to house on the eve of All Saint's to beg for 'soul cakes' and so the tradition arose. Masks (and of course now costumes) were worn for protection in the form of disguise against the embittered souls of the dead who wandered the earth until the night of All Saint's and so Hallowe'en was the last chance for them to get revenge!

Jack o' Lanterns

The spectacularly carved pumpkins are one of the most stunning symbols of Hallowe'en. There are several stories behind these but the two most logical are that in the past Christians had lighted candles in their houses on this night to guide the souls of their loved ones back to them before they rose to heaven.

The other is the Irish folk tale of Jack who likes to drink a little too much. One night on the way home he meets the Devil who tricks him into climbing a tree. Jack carves the cross onto the tree and so traps the Devil. Jack strikes a bargain that when he dies the Devil will not be able to take his soul to Hell. Jack lives a rather drunken and sinful life and finally dies. Of course because of his terrible life he cannot go to Heaven but at the sane time he has excluded himself from Hell. In fact the Devil throws one of Hell's coals at him. Jack keeps it as it is a cold night but to stop it going out he puts it into a hollowed out pumpkin and then wanders the earth for an eternity looking for a place to rest.

Fun and Games

Some of my favourite films are perfect for this night! In no particular order but with the following categories S=Scary, F=Funny, D=Drama.

Hocus Pocus(F)
Beetlejuice(F)
Jeepers Creepers(S)
She's a Witch (out-take from Monty Python The Holy Grail) (F)
The Scarlet Letter (D)
Pink Panic(F)
Ghostbusters(F)
The Shining 1980 not the remake!(S)
Bram Stoker's Dracula(S/D)
The Craft(S/D)
The Lost Boys(S/F)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(F) (Just for the pumpkin Patch scene!)

There are 100s of real horror movies but they are not the sort of thing I can recommend here or I'll have your parents after me! There are also 100s more I'm sure you think are better. Add your own suggestions.

Here are some activities you can do on line.
www.esolcourse.com Hit the Halloween Activities bar and choose all kinds of things!

Stories and Poems

Christopher Walken reading The Raven a poem by Edgar Allan Poe
A Tell-Tale Heart - A short film of the Edgar Allan Poe Story by The Film and TV channel. Type short scary stories into the You Tube search bar and get a variety of weird and wonderful tales read to you! Creepypasta is also a fave site! You have to be 18+ to get to this site because it's so full of scary stuff!

Write a ghost story (in English) and get it published...
Check out the Halloween Ghost Story Competition at saugus.net
There are categories for kids, teens and adults. Closing Date 22/10/13. (So you better hop to it!) The winners will be published throughout the night of October 31st, 2013 and you win a t-shirt.

Most of all have fun and enjoy yourselves!

Miss!

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Want to be a Grammar Genius? Grammar Girl Will Help!

Hope the start of the new school year hasn't been too traumatic! Welcome and lets get to it! December exams are already casting a shadow over the learning process and I'll be giving you some writing tips in a future post as well as useful things to remember other than your ID, pen, pencil and rubber!

One of my students recently asked me about the difference between AFFECT and EFFECT so I dutifully wrote out an example on the board and said something like, "Basically affect is a verb and effect is a noun." But being conscientious, I felt that I was brushing my student off because I wanted to deal with the query quickly without getting off a very different topic I was teaching at the time. So when I was looking into fun things to do in this area I discovered Grammar Girl!

Grammar Girl a.k.a. Mignon Fogarty, offers "Quick and Dirty Tips" for grammar conundrums of the English language! So if you want to read about grammar in a very entertaining and informative way check out www.quickanddirtytips.com/grammar-girl and click on the tip that you are interested in.
She has posted tables and cartoons to help you with all the things that confuse and befuddle!

Grammar Girl also has pod casts that you can listen to. They are very informative but as they are aimed at native speakers you may find them a little hard to follow!

Miss!

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

School's out for summer!!

Well I've been a bit tardy in my posting of late I'll admit. My excuses? I was examining!!! I've been working on all my other jobs and projects. (If you want to know more take a peek at my profile.) And then there is that long and glorious summer holiday!

Oh yes! Teachers, just like students, love that long seemingly endless time of few academic obligations. We recharge our batteries. Forget that school exists so that in the autumn we can return to duty with open hearts and enthusiasm - something that gets drained more easily than you might imagine.

I like to lose myself in a book or a good movie. As promised to my Proficiency class, I've come up with a list of movies that show regional accents, not all these movies are recommended for younger classes so check the trailer first.

If you're really into developing an accent check out www.learntheaccent.com. It's got lots movie suggestions and some short video lessons which are so simple!

As for books well I won't make any recommendations there. If you have never read a book, which to me is a real shame, find one in the same genre as the movies you like to watch and see if it grips you! Go to the library for stuff in your native language (it's free!) or look up a story on www.wattpad.com, for stuff in English. Some of it's pretty trashy and there seems to be a lot of teen fantasies about One Direction, but there's something for every taste and it's also free! If you are confident, you can even add your own story!

Before I get on to my list of movies, I'm often asked what accent I have. Well after having been away from home for many years or donkey's years as they say in the West Country, my accent has rather mutated but just so you know what it used to be like I thought I'd show you a clip from "Hot Fuzz". Yes, I can understand this without the 'translation'!

MOVIES FOR ACCENTS!
Harry Potter (A variety of British accents; Hagrid is from the West Country)
A Fish Called Wanda (A good standard 'Queen's English' with John Cleese as a lawyer.)
Notting Hill (Mostly English but the character Spike is Welsh, and Julia Roberts is American of course!)
Billy Elliot (North-East English)
Waking Ned Devine (Irish)
Braveheart (Scottish)

ANSWER!!!

ghoti is pronounced 'fish'!

How the Henry? You ask yourselves, let me explain...

gh as in cough or laugh
o as in women
ti as in nation or salvation

Thanks to CB for that one. I liked it!

Finally CONGRATULATIONS to everyone who passed the May exams! I shall miss those of you who are officially proficient in English! To the rest of you I'm looking forward to seeing you in September!

Keep soaking up the sun!

Miss!

Sunday, 16 June 2013

Fun pronunciation challenge and some tips!

Here's the challenge!

Can you pronouce this word?

'ghoti'

It's not a real word, it's made up of all the oddly pronounced letter combinations.

the choices are:

a) hotty    b)fish   c) goatee

The solution will be posted next time!

Here are some tips!

I have written them in no real logical order. Please remember that there are also many exceptions to these 'rules'!

1. 'When two vowels go walking the first does the talking.' In other words the first in the pair is      pronounced and with the hard sound that one used when reciting the alphabet.
    In the word 'goat' the 'a' is ignored and we say 'oh'.
    In 'eat', 'a' is ignored and we say 'ee'.
    in 'train', we say 'a' and ignore the 'i'.

2. In words that contain a double consonant we often pronounce the vowel before it with a soft sound.
    In 'little', or 'batty' or 'silly'

3. 'Tha' or 'thee'
     Before a vowel we say 'thee' eg. The End
     Before a consonant we say 'tha' eg. The dog

4. With words that are both nouns and verbs and spelled the same way.
     VERB                      NOUN
      rebel                        rebel
      content                    content
      reject                       reject
      project                     project

Friday, 12 April 2013

PRONUNCIATION IS VEXATION!!! PART 1

If you think grammar is difficult or listening or even writing, I beg to differ. I believe the most difficult thing in English is pronunciation. How do you read a word? How do get the right sound from the jumble of letters that form the word! It goes without saying that spelling is also affected by this - that's pronunciation in reverse if you think about it!

Even native speakers have difficulties with it. The Americans tried to iron out some of the problems when Noah Webster standardised spelling (1783-84) and it is from this that Websters Standardised dictionaries and thesauruses are based today. In Britain and other countries where English is a native language we prefer to persevere with the anomalies!

This is the first in a series of posts I have planned on this topic and I hope that I will entertain you and give you some clues and tips for better spelling and pronunciation at the same time.

As a learners of English as a foreign language please know that you are not alone in being baffled by spelling and pronunciation. The following poem is an excerpt of a three page whopper poem written by a Dutch man during his exile from The Netherlands during WWII and published in the newspaper 'Vry Nederland'.

The Joy of English Pronunciation

This Phonetic Labyrinth

by George Nolst Trenite

Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, copse, horse and worse,

I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye, your dress you’ll tear;
Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.

Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
Just compare heart, hear and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word.

Sword and sward, retain and Britain,
(Mind the latter how it’s written.)
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say – said, pay – paid, laid but plaid.

Wholly, holly, signal signing,
Same, examining but mining,
Scholar, vicar, cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far.

From ‘desire’: desirable, admirable from ‘admire’,
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
Topsham, brougham, renown but known,
Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, some.

One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel,
Gertrude, German, wind and wind,
Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind.

Say abscission with precision,
Now: position and transition,
Would it tally with my rhyme
If I mentioned paradigm?

Don’t you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
Finally, which rhymes with enough?
Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough?

Hiccough has the sound of sup!
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!

If you want the full version of this ask me! Vocabulary and pronunciation will be provided in the next post!!! Hope you liked it!

Miss!!